Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
