dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
