Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
