I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
