i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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