I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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