I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
