i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
