just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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