Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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