whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
