video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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