Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
