.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He better not be in your backpack
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
