No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
