sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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