do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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