I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
