I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
