i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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