I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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