After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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