mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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