Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
