Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
