And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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