I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
