I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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