she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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