I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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