i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Randomize