First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
