Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
