Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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