I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
