I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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