I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
