found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
