No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
