He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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