Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
