I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
