All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
no you cant smoke seaweed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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