I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
MIDGETS
????
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
