mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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