Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
