yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
