What a fucking waste of an outfit
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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