Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
