When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I want her autograph on my taint
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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