i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
