Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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