At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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