just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
